uhhuhsquid

dont tell me that you have a hickey. god. is it wrong that my best friends annoy the shit out of me? i suppose. but thats why i need to get away. im not calling them or messaging or commenting them. they can come to me. ill keep in contact with JV but thats it.

change the subject. im in love with jim sturgess' voice. he was really amazing and sexy in across the universe. i must buy that movie when it comes out. im going to swoon again to him soon. only hopefully ill be blown as fuck.

ugh need to work on my language.

i love the across the universe version. all the songs off the soundtrack are so easy to sing to. for a beatles fan this is really a great thing.

but agh. i do wanna hold your hand. or do i? fuck i cant decide. sometimes i really hate the things you say, but i know its not your fault. youve never really had a girl before so i what can i expect from you? well actually i can expect you to like me for who i am on the inside not all my friends and my "hobbies".  im gonna have a good go at you though. just one more time. thats my decision. i dont give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. A can suck it with her shitty ass bf. she knows hes garbage too. ahh what are young people today doing? and why the hell is everyone so damn serious? were young. youve been alive for what? sixteen years and your trippin out with the weight of the world on your shoulders? well i guess im guilty of it too.

"nothings gonna change my world". cept you. now im thinking about ya. do you send your little J spy to my A spy on purpose? to screw my world up? first you say you dont like me and now you do again? how does this happen when you havent seen me in weeks? well i still hate like you damnit.

damnit all to fucking hell.

now a different subject. trust and friendship. they go hand in hand eh? well no. i dont trust any of my friends. i think theyre all talking about me and spewing what little secrets i do tell them. but so what? talk. i can back every little thing i say up. and now A knows. shes scared to cross me. why though? does she not see my peace necklace and ring. my flash of the peace sign in pictures? yeah im a badass but ive got a very soft interior. oh i do love my friends.

love em to fucking bits and peaces.

its friday night 1040ish. wish i was partying. wish i was back in the car with kim heaven and heavens cousin. last nite was hilarious. fucking hilarious. two chicks that totally hate one of my best friends one chick whos clueless and me. pretty clueless too if you want the truth. ah. coming home so blown was hilarious. "hi mom dont get up, im gonna go on myspace for a bit, then im off to bed kthanks". she went straight to bed with no idea. are people really this clueless? i was tempted to tlel people about my hilarious situation with my two bf haters. oh lol it was too funny. ive told a few but no one knows what we bonded over. and damn i didnt even have to pay. should i tell j though? shes one of my truest and oldest friends i really do trust her. im actually on the phone with her now. she just asked who im messaging LOL oh you guys dont even know. agh well i cant type and talk at the same time so peace out.

you know how i remember how to spell "wednesday"? well in fifth grade my teacher mrs. flores told us that back in the old days people would get married on wednesdays which is why the word "wed" is there. made little sense to me then, and still sounds like crap now but hey, i never forget how to spell it.

mhhm. so i got some comments from people. nice but im still not too sure how this place works. well anyways im feelin the same as yesterday but a little more stuck on this guy. gotta work with him tomorrow, unless he found someone to cover his shift. i think its pretty shady that the one day we finally work together he wants to trade shifts with someone. dont think hes doin that on purpose though cause he was trying to reach me too. aaaggh. i wish i wasnt so stupid. gaaah. dont like him being my ex. it would be so different if we were together now though. i would automatically hold his hand and hug him. not as much pressure i think. still gotta talk to h.k. about the whole her jumping around, and squealing when she found out about me and e.s. two days isnt a very long relationship. =/ boy i do like k.z. why though? hes not that fit. not my type. we have nothing in common. doesnt smoke drink party. mmmm. tomorrows my chance to win him back. if hes there. i really hope no one covers his shift.

i need this time with him.

dont have any friends on here so i know there wont be any pressure on what i write. well lets see. its now 1246 am wednesday i guess. im bored. and im not really tired. i guess im kind of confused as to where my life is going. i still have trouble with my parents. always judging me and hurting me. havent talked to my sisters in a while, which is, i know, a good thing. they just make me mad. so ignorant yet all-knowing. they take so many things for granted, which is strange since they say the same thing about me. im tired. too lazy to write more. maybe ill write here everyday. it might help to get my feelings out.